Waiting

I've been thinking some... i think this adoption will have more effort, more solid labor, more emotional distress than any of my other labors for my naturally born children.  That is crazy to me.

On May 2, we submitted our second round of paperwork to the U.S. government.  More background checks. More legal documentation (that we already had and even one paper that we had already submitted, but apparently had either not been seen or misplaced).  More legal opinions from lawyers. More financial statements and assessments.  I wonder if i could ever precisely explain what it is like to have your entire life laid out as an open book with the government going over it as with a fine tooth comb to see where we fall short.

Have you heard any of Lauren Daigle's songs?  There is one... I wonder if i could link it on this page. I'll try here. Hey! i think i just did it!! HAHAHAHA!! YAY ME!!  Here is what it comes down to...From the very beginning ....  we have put Stephen's needs and wants first.  In the Children's Act of 1998 (Ghana law) it states very imperatively that the best interest of the child is paramount.  And that is entirely what we have been going on.  I just thought that because this was going to be a huge undertaking...that God would bless our efforts...I thought this was a good thing, God would see us through and open the doors.  And yet....when He doesn't move the mountains I needed Him to move,  when He doesn't part the waters that I wish I could walk through, when He doesn't give the answers when I cry out to Him...I WILL TRUST IN HIM.  Why? Because He knows what tomorrow is...there isn't any place that He hasn't already been.  He knows.  He knows my heartache. He knows the tears that I have shed and has counted them all.  He knows.

I think sometimes people think of God has some huge blessing giver in the sky.  He gives what we ask when we have met the qualifications of "good". But really this is a misconception.  Who defines what good is, and who/what defines who God is? Why is it that when bad things happen, or things happen in ways that we don't understand that we find fault with God rather trusting in Him?  God is the same yesterday, today, yes, and forever.  He doesn't change.  You see God wants a people who will love Him with their whole heart, not because they have to, but because they want to....even when they (ok, me) don't understand His workings.  I'm not going to pretend I understand why we are going through all that we are just to get Stephen here....but I do trust God. I trust that He knows ultimately what is best for everyone, and i trust that His timing, His answers are what is best.

And so....we wait.  We wait to hear what our government has to say.  Which, just as aside, where is the freedom in that? We make a choice to do something good, and we wait for the government's permission....sigh....hopefully soon we'll hear something back.  Please pray that it is either a letter of acceptance, or a letter of request for more evidence....but not a letter of denial.  Thank you.