Something newsy

Man...i don't even know where to start.  It has been  a tough few months.  Working.  Dealing with grief over the denial letter.  A huge sense of loss. Coming to grips with where things are and finding our way again.  Working out homeschool bugs.  A trip out east to Ohio/Indiana.  Birthdays.  Family camp.  Quitting my Fedex job. Fall sports season starting and the accompanying travels. Sometimes I wonder how i can keep my head from spinning all around trying to make sense of it all and still move forward.

We had a great summer with visitors...First it was the Hostetters from Cameroon that came to see us.  That was SUCH an awesome time of fellowship. Then Steve's mom came to visit while Steve was doing training in Georgia for his new TSA job. Then Jonny and Jenni Reijgers came over the 4th of July and we loved having little ones in the house, and the time we got with Jon and Jen. Then my mom came and spent some time with us just before the girls and I went out to Indiana.   I really think that having everyone visit us like they did...helped us/or at least helped me.  Take my mind off what would have seemed like failure with our denial letter, and focus on what it is truly important, the Kingdom of God and people.  

Today, well, by the time I publish this....a week ago... we had a meeting with our Lawyer.  And during that discussion...there were many ups!! but also downs.   We are definitely going to be handing the dealing of our case over to her....in hopes that we can truly get Stephen here....i don't know how long that will be or how long it will take or what it will end up costing....but i think there is a really good possibility that something good can come from all of it.  We are looking at refiling our paperwork with her or filing a different form altogether....we will know more and hopefully come to a solid decision by next week.  But it kinda looks like we are starting over.  Which may sound discouraging, but i'm actually taking MUCH hope in it.  The lawyer said something today that just made sense...she said that the USCIS has a LOT of really great resources on line and they make it seem so simple...like fill out this paperwork...file these documents....follow the protocol and BOOM! everything will come through....but it isn't that easy...she then likened it to doing a root canal on yourself...sure you could probably get it done...but the pain, and likely infection that would ensue after such a venture will not be pleasant in the least.  This time around...i really got that she understood our predicament, and really thinks she can help...and that she agreed that the sooner we got him the better.  

So... here we go! Ding! Ding!! round 2....or whatever round this is. LOL!  Please keep praying that God would make a way.  Please pray for strength for us...ok, really just for me.  I can't even begin to explain how emotionally taxing this has been/ is for me. Even just the 1 hour appointment on the phone today...WORE ME OUT!  Pretty much all i've wanted to do for the rest of the day is sleep.  

Thank you for everyone who has been and will continue to pray for this situation.  It has been a HUGE blessing and help.  Just knowing that you guys care for us and love us and want Stephen to be with us as soon as possible is SO encouraging.  We love you all!

My letter to the President of the United States

This is the letter that i sent via email to the President as it says that was the fastest way for him to receive it.  I was only allowed 2500 characters....which on my Mac computer really only ended up being slightly more than 2000 characters.  I had to really pare down what i wanted to say, but i hope! and think that i was able to communicate the jist of the situation.  I know that some of you were probably curious as to what I wrote...i am still looking into what other things can be done.  There isn't much right now...but i do have one other lead/contact to follow up on.  

My mental state...hmmm....it has been hard.  Part of me just really feels defeated, and discouraged hardly touches the emotional turmoil i've been through.  We are still fighting.  Steve has called the USCIS every day for the past 5 days only to get voicemails...but he isn't giving up.  There is still hope...and who knows...maybe I'll get to meet the President out of this. :-) He needs that more than he knows! And just so you all know...I have sent copies to the Senators of North Dakota as well. :-)

I so appreciate ALL of the prayers you all have offered up on our behalf and I humbly ask that you keep doing so.  We love you all!

What follows is my letter.....

Dear Mr. President,

Never in a million years did I think that I would need to write the President of the United States to help me, and yet here I am.  I will do my very best to keep the letter as brief as possible, but please understand that there is a full story behind all of this and real people with real struggles and emotions.

Mr. President, while we were living overseas and were residents of Ghana, we adopted a 12 year old boy, Stephen (all above board we have every document to show that it was legal according to Ghana law).  Due to circumstances (residents permits expiring, moving back to the U.S., and also needing to complete the necessary paperwork for our own government) we had to leave Ghana without our new son, this was heartbreaking to us.

The government of Ghana deemed the adoption to be in the best interest of the child according to their 1998 Children’s Act. We adopted Stephen because his bio mother could not take care of him with the situation with the step father. The bio father has never wanted anything to do with him, has never been in his life, is jobless and never contributed anything for Stephen's care. We have known Stephen since the day he was born. He has lived with us 4.5 years.  

I know that we have gone about things rather backwards…adopting a child abroad before getting permission from the U.S. government. But honestly, we didn’t know. This was not something that was long planned out. Stephen had been living with us and we were looking at having to leave Ghana and we didn’t want to leave without him. We didn’t want him moved around from relative to relative that didn’t want him. And really the sticking point with the USCIS is that when his bio parents relinquished their rights of Stephen, they relinquished their rights to us, Steve and Jennifer Icenogle.  They did this because he was living with us. This was done under the auspices of the Social Welfare of Ghana. the problem really is that we have a son that is legally ours in one country, Ghana, but we are not be able to bring him into our country, the U.S.

Mr. President, according to Ghana law he is my son. I desperately want to bring him home to us.  But our case SIM .......... has been denied. Mr. President, is there anything you can do to help us? Please…I am begging you to help us. Is there something more we can do?  Is there something different we can try? We’ve followed the rules and regulations, but to no avail. Please, sir, do what you can to help us. 

Waiting

I've been thinking some... i think this adoption will have more effort, more solid labor, more emotional distress than any of my other labors for my naturally born children.  That is crazy to me.

On May 2, we submitted our second round of paperwork to the U.S. government.  More background checks. More legal documentation (that we already had and even one paper that we had already submitted, but apparently had either not been seen or misplaced).  More legal opinions from lawyers. More financial statements and assessments.  I wonder if i could ever precisely explain what it is like to have your entire life laid out as an open book with the government going over it as with a fine tooth comb to see where we fall short.

Have you heard any of Lauren Daigle's songs?  There is one... I wonder if i could link it on this page. I'll try here. Hey! i think i just did it!! HAHAHAHA!! YAY ME!!  Here is what it comes down to...From the very beginning ....  we have put Stephen's needs and wants first.  In the Children's Act of 1998 (Ghana law) it states very imperatively that the best interest of the child is paramount.  And that is entirely what we have been going on.  I just thought that because this was going to be a huge undertaking...that God would bless our efforts...I thought this was a good thing, God would see us through and open the doors.  And yet....when He doesn't move the mountains I needed Him to move,  when He doesn't part the waters that I wish I could walk through, when He doesn't give the answers when I cry out to Him...I WILL TRUST IN HIM.  Why? Because He knows what tomorrow is...there isn't any place that He hasn't already been.  He knows.  He knows my heartache. He knows the tears that I have shed and has counted them all.  He knows.

I think sometimes people think of God has some huge blessing giver in the sky.  He gives what we ask when we have met the qualifications of "good". But really this is a misconception.  Who defines what good is, and who/what defines who God is? Why is it that when bad things happen, or things happen in ways that we don't understand that we find fault with God rather trusting in Him?  God is the same yesterday, today, yes, and forever.  He doesn't change.  You see God wants a people who will love Him with their whole heart, not because they have to, but because they want to....even when they (ok, me) don't understand His workings.  I'm not going to pretend I understand why we are going through all that we are just to get Stephen here....but I do trust God. I trust that He knows ultimately what is best for everyone, and i trust that His timing, His answers are what is best.

And so....we wait.  We wait to hear what our government has to say.  Which, just as aside, where is the freedom in that? We make a choice to do something good, and we wait for the government's permission....sigh....hopefully soon we'll hear something back.  Please pray that it is either a letter of acceptance, or a letter of request for more evidence....but not a letter of denial.  Thank you.

84 days...

Oh my... where do i begin...my heart is heavy and I cannot sleep. I feel like I MUST write or I will not sleep. So... here goes....

I had a great day with my kids today...a much needed day of distraction, because it is hard for me to think that i can go on living each day as i would normally.  I'll explain, but let me continue for a moment...I have four kids here with me now, and one that lives in Ghana. One that I have labored, very literally for over the last year, to bring here.  We have been in proactive mode.  Basically, over the last year, we have been in "what do we need to do to get Stephen here" mode.  And we have worked. hard.  Steve has pulled 12 hour and a few times 15 hour shifts. Back in September when i hurt my shoulder so badly, he picked up my work at Fedex and hasn't quit. So, Steve is working a full time job, continuing the part time job with Fedex, and considering finding a part time job on the weekends.  I work several part time jobs. One at Fedex, one at Cooks on Main, a weekly paper delivery with my boys, and a cleaning job with Montana.  The reason I'm sharing that with you is to let you know that we have "labored" for the cause and sole purpose of bringing Stephen home to us....Most days I feel very much like either sleeping or crying.  I'm tired.  Literally. Figuratively. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically. Tired.

We got a letter from the USCIS. It wasn't pretty.  Let me just say that I don't like getting mail that is on pink paper.  Let alone 5 pages of it.  Basically, they listed all the shortcomings of our submission of our I-600 ( you remember from my last post that the I-600 is the document we file with the US government to obtain permission to get Stephen), and which we kinda expected...since we haven't gone about things in the usual way or through an adoption agency, but what we got was not what we expected....

 One of the things has to do with our home study done here in the U.S. which I will be calling about on this Tuesday (since Monday is a holiday).  That one, I'm pretty sure can be rectified pretty quickly.  The next thing though...was tough to take.  It was titled, Evaluation of Adequate Finances Missing.  Here let me share one sentence with you...."Your current income does not appear to meet the Department of Health and Human Services' (HHS) minimum poverty guidelines for the requested number of children." I'm not sure I can adequately put into words what that did to the inside of me.  Part of that is due to the fact that we had been in the U.S. just over a year and were not able to submit any tax returns for the work that had been done here in Williston, and part of that has to do with our debt... and part of that...is... well...true.  I felt like my soul got either sucker-punched or the breath knocked out of me, or just taken and me trying to grasp anything that was left.  The reality of us living below the minimum poverty line was stark and harsh. I'm not sure even where to go with that....What if we can't get Stephen because we don't make enough? And WHY IN THE WORLD DOES THAT EVEN MATTER?!!! If we can provide food in some one's belly, clothing on their back, and shelter over their head...isn't that enough??!!  I felt like we were not enough...that's what I felt....The reason we came back to the States is because we couldn't keep making it. Steve was unable to find work in Ghana and things needed to change for us.  We came back so that we could support ourselves independently and get in a better position financially, so that we could live responsibly and take care of matters that we had gotten ourselves into.  And we have, but apparently one year of that...or rather less than a year of that..doesn't look so hot on paper.  I'll get to the solution at the end...but for now...I'm going to continue with problems/challenges we now face.  The next has to do the definition of an orphan...because our paperwork says that Stephen's mother Linda was willing to relinquish all rights towards Stephen so that Steve and I could adopt him does not qualify him as an orphan.  There is so much in this part....it is hard for me to go into...what it comes down to is that USCIS does not know our story. They're just looking at the facts.  Those are what the facts say.  We need to submit more facts for them to get the whole picture.  Hiring an attorney to help us navigate through all the legalities should be a big help as well.

I got that letter Friday night after coming home from work.  I began to read it and i just wanted to cry or throw up or both.  I think it was the closest I've ever felt despair.  How could i keep living each day as i normally would when it seems like my world is crashing in?  How would i keep going on when it seems like everything we have worked for has been for nothing?  

And then I texted Steve...it was close to time for him to get off work anyways...this was just something that I couldn't bear alone.  Do you know what he said when I was all a mess??...and couldn't even speak coherently??...He told me we would fight this.  That we would get an adoption lawyer...and that we would do everything we could.  He is my rock in this raging sea.  He has a steady course and can see the way that we will go...when I can't see past the tears.   HE. HAS. ALWAYS. BEEN. LIKE. THIS.  It is who he is.  Sometimes I get frustrated with him about his seemingly having "one speed" as i call it....but the man stays the course, he is faithful, and he is determined.  Now, let me make this clear...he is not THE rock, but he is a rock to me. and... if Jesus is THE rock, and we're supposed to be like Him...then Steve is doing a pretty good job in that department.

So....our solution.  Fight.  We are no longer in plan mode. We are no longer in "just do what we got to do" mode.  We are in full battle array.  People, we are going to pray...we are going to work, and be ready for battle...we are going to stand and stand up for ourselves....

We are going to fight in prayer and we are going to work to get what we need done.  We have 84 days to make that happen. That's the time line we were given.  Please, I beg you, pray for us.  Pray for health and stamina for Steve and I.  Pray for us to get just the right adoption lawyer.  Pray for Stephen that he can understand and be patient yet a while longer.  Pray for my kids here, that they would understand and forgive their mother for her shortcomings and emotionalness (is that even a word?!) during this trying time as I'm afraid they often get the short end of the deal.  Pray that we WILL see a happy end to all of this.  And pray that the Lord would return, for THAT would be very much better!

I CAN HARDLY WAIT!!

Yesterday, was as many of you may already know, Stephen's birthday.  He turned 14. This was very bittersweet for me, in fact more bitter than sweet because last year I had told him that he would be with us for this year's :-( I truly thought he would be. But buying and setting up house and running through all the prerequirements (the home study mainly, but that would include background checks, personality studies, doctors examinations, getting of birth certificates for Steve and I, and of course the means to take care of all those things) well took WAY LONGER than I had any idea of...I have regressed...well.... We'll have a SMASHING big party when he does get here!!   Which I am really hoping will be sooner than later.

So here is where things are at...we were finally able to submit EVERYTHING to the USCIS (United States Citizen and Immigration Services). AND we got a letter just two days ago that said they had received it. YAY!!!!  Now we are waiting to hear from them about our FBI background check appointment which we believe will require a trip to Rapid City, South Dakota.  After we do that...I'm not quite sure what....more waiting....I think ....until we get the go ahead. All of this has been HUGE.  I can't even begin to tell you  how this has affected me.  I've broken down more than a few times.  It just seems to be taking so long...and I know that what we're doing is nothing compared to what others have gone through.  So...I have started to buy some things for Stephen...I have his airplane outfit :-). When I've needed to get things for the kids for school....we get it for Stephen. I've been scouring eBay for some shoes for him...something comfortable, easy to take on and off for the plane...etc...It has helped.  I think I've put most of my emotions in some box in my brain so that I don't have to think about it, and on occasion something happens and they all come pouring out.  Like my brother being happy to see Stephen wear the Olsen racing shirt yesterday on his birthday...a flood of tears.  And right now...just remembering that...

Moving on....so what will happen when we go to Ghana?  I'm not completely sure...BUT I know a visit to the U.S. Consulate/Embassy will be in order.  There will be an interview for us to get an immigrant visa for Stephen. There may need to be a doctors examination done at a hospital in Accra to see if Stephen is healthy.  There will be excitement as we go to get a plane ticket for him at the airport. And there will likely be more waiting...as we seem to be doing a lot of that....there will be happiness for me to see everyone again in Ghana, there will be some shopping for me to get some things that I can only get in Ghana, there will be some eating of some VERY delicious foods that I can only have in Ghana, and there will be tears, lots of tears, as we leave. Definitely from me and likely from Stephen too...and that will be ok.  We will get to share that together.  I really can HARDLY wait to go on his first plane ride with him.  Or watch his amazement as we go through one of the international airports either in London or more likely Amsterdam.   I can HARDLY wait till I get to bring him through immigration in Minneapolis and when they stamp his passport knowing that will be the end of this huge long process.  I can HARDLY wait to board that last plane from Minneapolis to Minot knowing that our crew is already on their way there. I can HARDLY wait to get off the plane with him and see the looks on Steve's and the kids' faces as they spy us coming towards them.
I CAN HARDLY WAIT!!!

But....there is waiting...and in the meantime what will be doing?  Praying and pressing on to make this all possible.  I just had a thought...shouldn't we be waiting for the King of Glory like this?  I think I will save those thoughts for another blog post... :-). Please keep praying for us, for Stephen, for the Boatengs who have been caring for him in our absence, and for the waiting to not take so long.  

A little help from my friends

I am not sure why a night of of insomnia inspires me to write but it does....If I could make a guess, I would say that AT LEAST half of my blog posts were/are written between the hours of 3am and 5am.    It's not like my mind is racing...actually it usually is because of a migraine....Hmmm....I've digressed. LOL!

So let me tell you about my last two weeks....Almost two weeks ago, i woke up with SEVERE tendinitis in my right shoulder. I did not know that at the time.  I mean I seriously thought my shoulder was broke AND dislocated. I've had both happen in that shoulder, so trust me, I KNOW what that feels like!! I didn't go to sleep like that and had NO IDEA what I did to make it feel that way.  I got through the morning assembly with the church on 6 Advil.  The evening assembly i took 3 Aleve and brought a heating pad with me. ( i know, i know....should've gone for ice....but i couldn't stand the thought of shivering and heat sounded SO much nicer, more comfortable....and it was) I took a prescribed narcotic (did you hear that??? did you get that??? a PRESCRIBED NARCOTIC!!!! that's just crazy stuff right there!)  to just get to sleep for three nights in a row!!! The point here is that I was in so much pain i could think of nothing else.  All I wanted was to make it go away.  Have you been like that?  It's awful!! Truly!!   (Amy, if you every wonder if you have had an influence on me...just take note of ALL the capitalized words! ;-) Love ya!)

Now, anyone who knows me pretty well, will know that I way prefer to treat myself and my family with alternative and holistic ways.  So, taking that much medication....even breaking to the point of taking a narcotic was HUGE!!!!!!  The Dr put me on a strong anti-inflammatory and a muscle relaxant.   I was such in a fog for three days, all I did was camp out on the couch and be a grouch (also thanks to the meds... and well, likely the pain too).  Did anyone notice that i went to the Dr??

Then on Tuesday, a friend asked me if i had been to the chiropractor.  She said she did something to her shoulder and had gone to a chiropractor and got instant relief.  OH YEAH!!! I love chirorpractors!!  Unfortunately, she was unable to do anything for me.  Wouldn't even touch it due to the extreme restricted mobility of my arm, but was still able to adjust the rest of me, Whew! Then Steve and I got to talking and he started asking what Shaklee supplements i could take, and what oils could i use???  OH YEAH!!! I love Shaklee!!!  And I'm really beginning to like DoTerra essential oils!!

I was in SO MUCH PAIN that i could not think about what i could do or what I should do to help myself.  Again, all i wanted was the pain gone!!  I didn't care how.  And here, this is the impetus of this blog post....I couldn't think for myself what i would like to do or how i would like things dealt with.  I needed outside input from my friends! And in case you didn't put it together, Steve is my best friend :-)  I needed someone, or a couple someones in my case, to remind me what I wanted.

And then i got to thinking...there is a spiritual lesson here...Sometimes we can get ourselves into painful situations, or maybe those painful situations come to us....whatever the case, maybe we need someone from outside to remind us of who we are, or how we want to deal with things.  Or maybe...this is a greater possibility...we need to be that friend.  That friend to remind someone of who they are when everything is crashing down.  That friend who reminds them that they are loved by us and loved even more by the Creator and Savior of the Universe. Or rather, maybe we need to be the one who enters into someones life when they are in pain from the sin in their life and give them hope and way out.

I needed to hear about that chiropractor. I needed to think about what Shaklee and oils could do for me. I needed the options that i wanted anyway, but couldn't think of them for myself. Let's do that. Let's do that for others.  Let's give the options to help others out of their sin, out of their pain.  Let's be true friends.  Let's pray that the response is much like mine.... OH YEAH!!!

*And my story ends well, too...Tuesday night i started taking my Shaklee stuff again (i had just forgotten in my pain) and Wednesday things started getting better. I made special orders for more things to take... both oils and supplements.. and they are working! My mobility is increasing every day, and the pain is gone. ...and I'm really hoping by Monday(two weeks after it all first started) to be back at work!

An Adoption Update

Hey all!

So, this is the first time i've written anything for way too long!! I thought that since this was going to be longer i should just write a blog post...nothing more annoying than an crazy long Facebook post! At least when you clicked on the link you were committing to reading it. ;-)

Let me get you all up to speed...Last summer when faced with having to leave Ghana. We, as a family, decided that we would try and adopt Stephen Karikari.  We didn't even know if we could...Every step along the way in Ghana was quite a resounding, YES!!  It really was AMAZING to see God's hand guiding that whole thing and the SPEED at which things moved. If any of you have ever been to Ghana you would understand that the quickness with which the Social Welfare (a government office) was really more than Extraordinary!!!   A God thing, really! When we contacted the USCIS (United States department of Citizenship and Immigration Services) in Ghana they basically told us we would have to follow protocol and nothing could be expedited.  With our visas expiring the end of August 2014, we made the tough decision of leaving Stephen with the Boatengs, heading back to America to finish the U.S. paper work side of things. That would mean finding jobs, finding a place to live, setting up house (we came and had only the suitcases we brought with us from Ghana), and beginning the adoption process here.  That is what we have done.

Now some of you may be wondering what it takes to get the adoption process going or what we have done.  Let me fill you in. :-)  First you have to fill out an application...this is no one or two page application...pretty sure the application itself (that we filed with the agency we are working through) was about 10-12 pages long that needed extensive information about our families (close and extended), our references, ourselves, our financial matters, our work history, our personal info, etc....with that application we also filed autobiographies...that was also another 12-15 pages of questions, a LOT of questions that required much more than just one or two word answers....i worked on that part every day for a week...took a break...and then worked on then really had to write an autobiography of my life to date....i don't know how long that took....longer than i wanted.  then we had to wait for the references that we listed to be mailed a questionnaire, respond to that, and mail it back. We also had to have medical check-ups...for the entire family.  Then we had to do FBI background checks...did you all know that they do digital fingerprinting now???  It makes sense with all the technology we have. Then we had to do a personality test. Then we were finally able to start the home study part ( a process made up of 3 interviews).  Pretty much every step we've done has had a cost, the application, the background checks, the doctor's visits, the personality tests, the home study interviews...we've put out a chunk so far and we're not done...

So where does that leave us now...here is what we have left to do to complete the adoption agency we are working through requirements. These must be completed BEFORE we can file with the USCIS. We must take online adoptive parenting classes. There are five of them.  We must get a few paperwork items to the agency, and we must finish paying for the home study part. Our last interview is the middle of September.  Then when we get the home study report from the agency...THEN we can finally file with the USCIS. What does that mean?  That means another application, another FBI background check,  submitting the home study report, and any and all accompanying paperwork.  I honestly haven't looked at everything for the USCIS for about 6 months, it just seemed like such a huge task, that i've had to break it down basically to what do i need to do this week...or more often...what do i need to do today?

After we submit things to the USCIS, and everything is approved...then we can go get Stephen!!!  But what does that mean??  That will mean plane tickets and planning...that will mean a visit to the capital Accra to visit the embassy to get a visa for Stephen so that he can travel.  Then when he has a visa....THEN WE CAN COME HOME!!!!  I CAN HARDLY WAIT TO TAKE STEPHEN ON HIS FIRST FLIGHT!!!!!!!   I can hardly wait for all the firsts that will come on that trip!  For all the firsts that will happen when he gets here! For the JOY that our family will have being all together again!!!  It is hard for me to think about that as it brings up so much emotion...

What you can pray for... Pray that things will continue to progress as they have the last month so that we can get Stephen by the end of the year...SOONER if possible!!!  Pray that Stephen has his passport....pray that we will be able to keep up with the financial needs as they come up.....Pray for Stephen that he feels like he is not forgotten (he isn't, but it has been TOO LONG)....pray for his transition to life here....

So i think this is about as condensed as it gets writing out the adoption process and what we've done, been through, continue to go through, and what we have to look forward to doing. Our love to all!!